Shop Smart

No sign of Ash inside, unfortunately.

The manager said he'd been fired for making out
with a Deadite in the stockroom.

Apologies to any who haven't seen Army of Darkness and won't get the joke.

And this is actually no joke -- it's a real gas station in Lexington, SC.

Destroy All Hogwarts!

Deleted scene from Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows -- "Craigzilla attacks Hogwarts":

And here's another deleted scene featuring
my special wand-lighting ability finger

which I stole from E.T.:

* Photos from a September 2010 visit to the Universal Studios Store at the Orlando Airport.

War is not funny

Another entry for T-Shirt Design Travesties:

  

Even Dick Cheney did not approve of this message.

A little history behind this: Back in 2006 when I was managing a religious bookstore, I discovered about a dozen of these shirts in a vendor shipment of random deep discount apparel. When I called the corporate office about it, they explained it was part of a huge bulk clearance deal on unsold inventory the company had purchased, and they emphasized that they had not ordered that specific shirt. After my call, the corporate office promptly instructed their stores to dispose of them, for obvious reasons.

Putting "Give War A Chance" on a T-shirt isn't just a design travesty, it's a design tragedy. I'm familiar with dark comedy, but this really goes far beyond being in poor taste. It blew my mind that any sane person might think the slogan was a good idea, or worse yet that they'd find it amusing or funny. Imagine my surprise when I discovered you can purchase bumper stickers and shirts with this slogan all over the internet. I guess stupidity really does have no limits.

It's worth noting there's a website listed on the shirt just below the slogan, but the text is too small to see in this image and I don't remember now what it was. I have a strong feeling, though, that it no longer exists.

To the moon, Alice...

 Another entry in my T-Shirt Design Travesties series,

only this one isn't so much a "travesty"

as it is unintentionally amusing:

Surprisingly, only a few parents were reluctant to send their kids 

to outer space for the class field trip.

Shirt photographed Jan. 2010 at a thrift store in Duluth, GA.

De-Stress Yourself

Another entry for "T-Shirt Design Travesties":

Because it's only when you give yourself a massage
that you're guaranteed a happy ending.

Shirt photographed Feb. 2010 by Craig Crumpton at a thrift store in Duluth, GA.

Just Peachy

Another entry for "T-Shirt Design Travesties"

...as well as "Top 10 Worst Day Care Center Names Ever":

* Shirt photographed Jan. 2010 by Craig Crumpton at a thrift store in Duluth, GA.

Political Transformers

GMANews.TV reports:

Two days before the start of the campaign period, posters of candidates running for national and local posts have begun to litter parts of Metro Manila.

In Manila and Quezon City, posters of a presidential bet and his running mate [Richard Gordon and running mate Bayani Fernando] sprouted in several areas, including parts of main thoroughfares such as España Avenue and Quezon Avenue.

While the posters did not tell people to "vote" for the candidates, the images of the presidential bet and his running mate, along with their nickname "The Transformers," were prominent in the posters.

It makes one wonder if they really thought through that campaign slogan. Such an easy target for parody. What a fun presidential race that will be.

So which one is Bumblebee?

BACON!

For this blog, I normally don't take photos of new shirts that are still on the rack in department stores. I prefer that they they be more like "found objects," rather than still selling at retail.

But this one is quite possibly the best thing since spliced genes.

And the award for "Best Concept in T-Shirt Design goes to..."

This shirt provides its own caption (and my apologies that it's a little out of focus), so I'm not even going to attempt to write something funnier than the Gary Larson-esque cartoon already is.

But what makes this shirt truly especially special...

 

...it smells like BACON!

I spotted this shirt in January 2010 at Kohl's in the Boys' dept. And even though the largest size was a little snug on me I just couldn't resist owning a bacon-scented T-Shirt. Now I just need to lose 15 pounds so I can wear it.

This shirt is manufactured by HybridTees.com, and although Kohl's stocks Hybrid's shirts regularly and sells them online via Kohls.com they do not offer the bacon shirt on their site.

Aggressive Corporate Marketing Has Gone Too Far

Another entry for "T-Shirt Design Travesties":

I've heard of "brand loyalty," but this is beyond ridiculous.

I rather doubt consumers want Nike owning their organs.

* Shirt photographed Jan. 2009 by Craig Crumpton at a thrift store in Duluth, GA.

Ja-makin' me crazy T-shirts

Presenting popular cartoon characters as redesigned

by Jamaican souvenir T-shirt artists:

It's Dora de Explorah, mon!

Beavis and Butthead Do Jamaica

* Shirts photographed Jan. 2010 by Craig Crumpton at a thrift store in Duluth, GA.

Scary Sentiment

Spotted this weirdly-sculpted figurine at a thrift store. Note the awkward positioning of the characters and the freaky facial expressions. And the eyes... oh my god, the EYES!

CAPTION: We need each other

...because we're too danged creepy to be with anyone else.

Ignoring that the "artist" who crafted this was likely insane, or demon-possessed (or both), I'm trying to imagine someone buying this at its original retail price. What sort of man would look at it and think it would make a good gift for a woman?

An insane man, probably. Or certainly a stupid one.

* Freaky figurine photographed Dec. 2009 by Craig Crumpton at a thrift store in Winder, GA.

A Warm Place With No Memory

Souvenir shirt available at Andy Dufresne's

Redemption Hotel and Gift Shop.

* Shirt photographed Jan. 2010 by Craig Crumpton at a thrift store in Duluth, GA.

Iceland: Every child's dream vacation

Another entry for "T-Shirt Design Travesties"

...or not. I'll explain more after the jump.

Iceland: A great place to take your kids!

(and leave them)

Now I realize there's nothing inherently wrong with this design. It's actually quite nice and high-quality in that the image and letters are embroidered, unlike your typical gift shop-variety souvenir shirt with cheap decals that fall off in the first wash. So the quality is to be commended.

Otherwise, there's nothing odd or unusual about this shirt that would've caught my attention... until an amusing thought struck me: this is a souvenir shirt for Iceland. ICELAND! A Land of Ice where it stays freaking ice-cold most of the year.

Even in its warmest season, Iceland's climate barely reaches the mid-60s. Also, Iceland has about as many residents as a car full of clowns.

And note that the shirt in this close-up photo is tagged as a child's size 8-10 (and short-sleeved too, which is ironic now that I think about it). That means some parent not only dragged their child kicking and screaming to Iceland, they bought him a shirt to wear as a reminder of a bitter memory. (No wonder this shirt ended up at a thrift store!)

The very idea of someone taking their child to Iceland amuses me, and even moreso that someone thought it might be a good idea for a "fun family vacation." Now, I'm not saying Iceland isn't worth visiting. (I fear the Icelandic Tourism Board would drop by and kick me in the fjord.) There is some incredible scenery there, to be sure. (I've seen the photos!)

But I believe very few children -- after explaining the climate and geography to them -- would genuinely be eager to visit there.

So imagine the following scenario taking place in the average family household:

DAD: I just bought tickets for our family vacation. We're going to Iceland!

KIDS: Yay! Wait... Iceland?

LITTLE JOHNNY: Are we being punished or do you just hate us?

LITTLE SUSIE: What the @#$%, Dad! Are you insane?

DAD: But I read on the Internet that it's "the perfect place to take your little ones"! So get packed! We leave tomorrow!

KIDS: We're calling Social Services.

* Shirt photographed Dec. 2009 by Craig Crumpton at a thrift store in Winder, GA.

That's MISTER Actor to you.

Another entry for "T-Shirt Design Travesties":

If you need a shirt to identify you as an Actor,

you probably aren't one. 

* Shirt photographed by Craig Crumpton Dec. 2009 at a thrift store in Winder, GA.

More or Less

Another entry for "T-Shirt Design Travesties":

...it's also a garment with letters on it.

* Shirt photographed Dec. 2009 by Craig Crumpton at a thrift store in Winder, GA.

Since Birth

Another nominee for "T-Shirt Design Travesties":

Nice to know it doesn't wait until puberty.

* Shirt photographed Dec. 2009 by Craig Crumpton at a thrift store in Winder, GA.

Strict Rules

"Dangit! And I wanted a beer!"

* Actual sign at Burt's Farm in Dawsonville, GA.

[Photo by Craig Crumpton; October, 2009 ]

Death of a Mascot

My first entry for "T-Shirt Design Travesties":

RIP, Trojan mascot. 

* Shirt photographed Dec. 2009 by Craig Crumpton at a thrift store in Winder, GA.