With Friends Like These...

While sorting backlogged friend requests on Facebook, one I tried to accept actually rejected me. Facebook told me that the person "has too many friends." I didn't even know that was possible!

I was subsequently surprised to learn that Facebook allows a maximum of 5,000 friends for any individual.

When I mentioned this in my status post, friend comments came pouring in: 

You can never have too many friends.

Having too many friends is better than none at all.

Facebook has definitely redefined the meaning of the word "friends." 

I have 95% "acquaintances." True friends are few!

The last two statements caused me to speculate on what it would look like if Facebook allowed us to categorize our friends...

__X__ has 3 TrueFriends
15 RelativesWhoMayOrMayNotBeFriends
2 MoochingFriends
5 FormerFriendsWhoStillOweHimMoney
6 FormerTeacherFriendsWhoActuallyWeren'tKnownForBeingFriendly
11 ChildhoodFriendsWhoHeBarelyRemembers
3 CollegeFriendsWhoHeMayOrMayNotHaveDated
7 CollegeFriendsWhoAreFormerRoommates
9 CollegeFriendsWhoCouldn'tRememberHisNameAtCollege
28 MutualFriendsOfFriendsOfFriends
85 RandomAcquaintencesJustifyingTheirExistenceByNumberOfFriends
282 InternetFriendsWhoOnlyKnowHimByHisAvatarOrNickname

DISCLAIMER: Actual numbers chosen at random.This is an attempt at humor. And if you are a friend of Craig's on Facebook please don't assume that you in particular would fall into any of his Facebook Friends Categories.

The Bus Ride

I originally wrote this freeverse-style poem on August 6, 2002.

Updated commentary to follow...

=============================================

The Bus Ride

In the seat to my right sits a couple
holding hands
One sleeps
The other listens to music
And from the expressions on their faces
Contentment
Peace
It's obvious there's love between the two

In front of me, a couple speak softly to each other
then fall silent
and smile
A longing look they share reveals
there's love between the two

Up further on my right, a pretty woman
with a ring on her finger
talks to a phone
“I’ll be home soon,” she says. “I miss you.”
“I love you.”

The seat beside me is empty
There’s nothing in my hands
No ring on my finger
Nothing else for me to do but look out the window

I close my eyes
and say a prayer
that someday I’ll have someone to go home to
someone who misses me, who can’t wait to see me again
someone to call on the phone and say, “I love you.”
that someday I’ll have a ring on my finger
that someday there will be someone
sitting with me
on the bus

=============================

Now, I'm sure there are people out there who eat this sort of stuff up. If you liked this, thanks. But there are a lot of writers out there who don't like to reflect on something they wrote in the past. It might make you wonder why you wrote it in the first place, and why you were foolish enough to publish it so others could read it too.

In hindsight, I still like it and think it's a nice piece even if it does sound a little like a greeting card. And I don't think I'd change anything about it...except the setting.

Today, I wouldn't subject anyone I love to the experience of riding a bus with me. Buses have a well-known reputation for being unpleasant, exasperating, claustrophobic, and filled with people who haven't bathed since Jimmy Carter was president.

The prayer expressed at the end of the poem was indeed fulfilled. I do have someone to go home to now, and I'm very grateful to God for answering that prayer. But you won't find us riding a bus together. Not no way. Not no how.

Iceland: Every child's dream vacation

Another entry for "T-Shirt Design Travesties"

...or not. I'll explain more after the jump.

Iceland: A great place to take your kids!

(and leave them)

Now I realize there's nothing inherently wrong with this design. It's actually quite nice and high-quality in that the image and letters are embroidered, unlike your typical gift shop-variety souvenir shirt with cheap decals that fall off in the first wash. So the quality is to be commended.

Otherwise, there's nothing odd or unusual about this shirt that would've caught my attention... until an amusing thought struck me: this is a souvenir shirt for Iceland. ICELAND! A Land of Ice where it stays freaking ice-cold most of the year.

Even in its warmest season, Iceland's climate barely reaches the mid-60s. Also, Iceland has about as many residents as a car full of clowns.

And note that the shirt in this close-up photo is tagged as a child's size 8-10 (and short-sleeved too, which is ironic now that I think about it). That means some parent not only dragged their child kicking and screaming to Iceland, they bought him a shirt to wear as a reminder of a bitter memory. (No wonder this shirt ended up at a thrift store!)

The very idea of someone taking their child to Iceland amuses me, and even moreso that someone thought it might be a good idea for a "fun family vacation." Now, I'm not saying Iceland isn't worth visiting. (I fear the Icelandic Tourism Board would drop by and kick me in the fjord.) There is some incredible scenery there, to be sure. (I've seen the photos!)

But I believe very few children -- after explaining the climate and geography to them -- would genuinely be eager to visit there.

So imagine the following scenario taking place in the average family household:

DAD: I just bought tickets for our family vacation. We're going to Iceland!

KIDS: Yay! Wait... Iceland?

LITTLE JOHNNY: Are we being punished or do you just hate us?

LITTLE SUSIE: What the @#$%, Dad! Are you insane?

DAD: But I read on the Internet that it's "the perfect place to take your little ones"! So get packed! We leave tomorrow!

KIDS: We're calling Social Services.

* Shirt photographed Dec. 2009 by Craig Crumpton at a thrift store in Winder, GA.