Review: The Host

The Host (2006) ***1/2 (out of 5 asterisks)
Director/Co-Writer: Joon-ho Bong
Starring: Some Korean actors whose names you probably won't recognize

Good character-driven family drama/thriller that defies the expectations, conventions and cliches of a standard "monster movie." A very non-traditional monster flick that's recommended even if you don't like monster movies. But I would strongly advise watching it with the original Korean dialog and English subtitles. The English dub is horrible and distracting.

The Bus Ride

I originally wrote this freeverse-style poem on August 6, 2002.

Updated commentary to follow...

=============================================

The Bus Ride

In the seat to my right sits a couple
holding hands
One sleeps
The other listens to music
And from the expressions on their faces
Contentment
Peace
It's obvious there's love between the two

In front of me, a couple speak softly to each other
then fall silent
and smile
A longing look they share reveals
there's love between the two

Up further on my right, a pretty woman
with a ring on her finger
talks to a phone
“I’ll be home soon,” she says. “I miss you.”
“I love you.”

The seat beside me is empty
There’s nothing in my hands
No ring on my finger
Nothing else for me to do but look out the window

I close my eyes
and say a prayer
that someday I’ll have someone to go home to
someone who misses me, who can’t wait to see me again
someone to call on the phone and say, “I love you.”
that someday I’ll have a ring on my finger
that someday there will be someone
sitting with me
on the bus

=============================

Now, I'm sure there are people out there who eat this sort of stuff up. If you liked this, thanks. But there are a lot of writers out there who don't like to reflect on something they wrote in the past. It might make you wonder why you wrote it in the first place, and why you were foolish enough to publish it so others could read it too.

In hindsight, I still like it and think it's a nice piece even if it does sound a little like a greeting card. And I don't think I'd change anything about it...except the setting.

Today, I wouldn't subject anyone I love to the experience of riding a bus with me. Buses have a well-known reputation for being unpleasant, exasperating, claustrophobic, and filled with people who haven't bathed since Jimmy Carter was president.

The prayer expressed at the end of the poem was indeed fulfilled. I do have someone to go home to now, and I'm very grateful to God for answering that prayer. But you won't find us riding a bus together. Not no way. Not no how.

Tacky

Tacky.

That's the best way to describe a production company that will do something like this.

Here's the scenario:

You are an experienced, professional actor and you audition for a stage production but you are not cast, or you submit for an audition but are not even selected.

In the meantime, the production company adds your email address to their database and sends you a series of marketing emails to attend their show with a "special offer" of discount tickets.

This begs the question: if I wasn't cast in your production or you wouldn't even give me a chance to audition, why in the world would I pay to see your show?

Cheap Eats: Wendy's

I have no idea if "Cheap Eats" has been trademarked -- I'm too lazy to check. I do know there's a blog with the name that some might call "popular," but when it comes to "cheap eats" I just want simple, straightforward info devoid of blathery commentary and weak attempts at humor.

That said, I'd like to present a photo series explaining how to make a $5 burger out of two $1 burgers at Wendy's in 5 simple steps.

Step 1:
From Wendy's Value Menu*, order a "Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger" and a "Wendy's Double Stack" (and a cup of icewater because it's free).
* Note that prices and availability may vary according to location, but generally all of Wendy's items on the Value Menu are $1 (but check the price of the Jr Bacon on the receipt below!).

Step 2:
Sanitize your hands -- you never know what the employees were touching before they wrapped your food. (And remember that you probably just handled your vehicle's germ-infested steering wheel and car keys too.)
Then, unwrap the burgers and place them upside down.

Step 3:
Remove bottom buns.*
* At this step, you may also add additional condiments, if desired. And if you're still in the car, throw one of the bottom buns to the birds if you need to cut back on the bread.

Step 4:
Rearrange bottom buns, meat patties and other burger content in whatever order suits your fancy.

Step 5:
Combine burgers and enjoy.

For larger appetites, order an additional Double Stack, follow the steps above and you'll have a massive Dagwood Bumstead-style burger for only $3. (You might also have a massive coronary later, but at least you won't die hungry.)

I find there's no need to order anything extra for this meal -- it's very filling and very cheap. And it's about the same size as Wendy's larger, more expensive burgers and includes lettuce, tomato and bacon too. And if you like onions, I'm sure Wendy's would include some for free if you ask.

You can do this same burger mash-up at other fast food places for about the same price. At Burger King, for example, two Whopper Jrs. are more filling than a regular Whopper and cheaper too, but you have to pay extra for bacon and cheese. (And as I mentioned in a previous post, BK's $1 Double Cheesburger is awful.) But for my money Wendy's has the best deal and the best taste combination.

However, McDonald's does have an interesting taste combo with what I call "The Churger" -- a mash-up of their $1 chicken sandwich and $1 double cheeseburger:

Crappy Cover Art: The Groomsmen

I did a previous post on the botched cover art for the 1999 DVD release of Ghostbusters 2, which serves to segue-way into a series on crappy cover art that I've been wanting to do ever since I wasted my life worked for Hollywood Video between 2003-2004.

Granted, there are already whole sites and blogs devoted to such atrocities, but I'm done donating content to other sites and blogs without getting credit for it.

Today's entry is the 2006 indie film The Groomsmen, starring Edward Burns (who also directed), Jay Mohr, Donal Logue, John Leguizamo and the late Brittany Murphy:

It doesn't take a graphic designer's eye to see this is a horrid photoshop hackjob. Without the budget to do a proper publicity photoshoot for the cover art, the designer throws together a collage of movie stills of the cast and from somewhere on the web rips off a photo of Brittany Murphy -- who, in the film, actually has brown hair, not blonde.

Worse still is how Murphy's face was pasted over some other woman's body, and her head placed so far off-center that it makes it look like her shoulder is growing out of her chin. And you can bet that's not Edward Burns' body either with the way his neck looks slightly broken at that jaunty angle.

Also note the tagline: "Till Death do we PARTY!" ...and the beer bottles that Jay Mohr seems to be waving in the air (which also never happens in the film).

This is a deliberately misleading attempt by marketing to make this movie more interesting and appealing to consumers by promoting it as a type of frat sex comedy.

But it's no comedy. And there's no sex in it. Heck, there's nothing really frat-like about it either. And without the barrage of F-bombs dropped throughout the film, it probably wouldn't have even merited the "R" rating. In short, it's a fairly heavy character-driven drama, although it has humorous moments. And it's kinda slow too, but that's not to say it was a "bad movie" because the cast's performances were solid and I did enjoy the film overall (like at least 3 out of 5 asterisks).

I bought this movie at a clearance sale for a buck -- didn't know anything about it, but it had a good cast which also included the late Brittany Murphy and that was enough for me. But if I'd bought it at retail price or rented it because I was expecting a frat sex comedy -- as advertised on the cover -- I would have been sorely disappointed.

A Guide for Atlanta Fandom

The post previously published in this space
is now available as a separate blog: 

The Atlanta Fandom Guide

http://atlfandom.wordpress.com/

De-Stress Yourself

Another entry for "T-Shirt Design Travesties":

Because it's only when you give yourself a massage
that you're guaranteed a happy ending.

Shirt photographed Feb. 2010 by Craig Crumpton at a thrift store in Duluth, GA.